To feel or not to feel...

What does it actually mean to be an Indian? Does it mean that one must practice secularity although fundamentalism is the new trend? Does it mean one must follow traditions because it is to be followed even though honestly a huge portion of the population in India does not care? Or is it o be part of a so called “movement” which has reduced the concept of corruption to the most trivial bribery!  

I honestly do not know. I have grown up hearing my grandfather, whom I lovingly called Dadai, talk about the little part that he and his brothers and sisters had played in making India independent.  The proud manner in which he used to recount his childhood expeditions thrilled me. As a child I would curl up on his lap and listen to all his invigorating adventures and wish to be a part of that world, a world in which people actually knew the meaning of the word Indianness, a world in which one would earnestly swell up with pride and declare to the world that they are Indians, not because they are made to hypnotically chant, “Jai Hind” or “All Indians are my brothers and sisters” as a child.

 I could relate with the pride that Dadai felt. It used to make me feel proud to believe in the existence of that country that had also been deeply glorified even in my text books.

But as my childhood fantasies, revolving around the various heroic deeds of the freedom fighters started wearing off, I realized with a sudden deep rooted sadness that my being proud was as nostalgic an affair as was Dadai’s taking part in the movement.

My realization, that the India that we are all so used to being proud of, is not really there anymore. When asked if I feel proud to be an Indian, I am quick to answer ‘YES”. But then I think if it is the general trend of today’s Generation X.

In today’s scenario where Arundhuti Roy is a criminal because she said that India occupied Kashmir should be finally given liberty, Anna Hazare is a patriotic hero because he reduced corruption, in a country like India to minimal bribery; it is not so difficult to answer the question: Is Indianness forced on you?

I still enjoy watching the Republic Day parade or for that matter the Independence Day parade. My heart swells with pride when I hear the national anthem being played. I jump with joy when India wins a cricket match. I smile profoundly when Mahesh Bhupathi wins a set. But is that enough?

I doubt that.

After a prolonged self scrutiny I came to the conclusion that yes I would be honestly proud of the Indianness that has been bestowed upon me by default had I been a part of Dadai’s India.  But knowing my country the way I have recently began to know her, I think my answer would be quite different.

My being candid here will definitely offend a few sentiments but when I cannot talk openly about my political and religious beliefs and inclinations in the fear of being called an anti Indian, I would very  un- doggedly say that yes in this respect  my Indianness is to a certain extent forced upon me.

Hopefully a time will come when things would start going back to as it was. A reverse gear will set in order and India shall be free from all the dogmatic mental chains that are currently clutching her fragile neck. 

However much I might not relate to his policies, here I think my thoughts will be best reflected in his words:  “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama.